Not a religion

I am sitting in my bedroom, pondering on the past month’s events and the loving messages I have received since last writing to you – where do I begin?

As I take a moment to just gaze at the clouds as they drift across the winters skies – I see in my mind’s eye, a beautiful butterfly fly into a shaft of light – and I know, what it is I am meant to share today.

A couple of weeks ago, I lay down to relax into my evening meditation and I was gently taken on one of the most magnificent and life changing journeys I have travelled so far with the Angels.

I saw myself as a child of eight years old, singing a solo in Worth Church for our school Christmas play. I could feel the love in this child’s heart for God, Jesus, the Angels and all she believed in, as she sweetly sung:

“I said the dove from the rafters high,
I cooed him to sleep, my mate and I,
I cooed him to sleep, so he would not cry,
I cooed him to sleep from the rafters high”

But there was sadness and confusion in her heart too. “God” was not a word to be used at home without ridicule or being told, there was no such thing.

As I watched this scene, tears in my eyes, another song was being sung to me:

“What can I give him, poor as I am,
If I were a Shepard, I would give a lamb,
If I were a wise man, I would do my part,
What can I give him, give him,
My heart.”

A shaft of light shone upon the little girl (me) – and God told me He was with me and I was loved.

Another scene flows in – I am the eldest of six children and money was “tight” as a child.

I could see my mother giving us one fishfinger wrapped in a piece of bread for our dinner. I could see me crying as I was still hungry and my mother shouting at me in her frustration. Telling the child there is not enough and to stop being so selfish. The child is confused as she is merely wanting to fulfil a basic need in life – hunger – and does not understand why this is causing anger or why she is being labelled as selfish.

A shaft of light enters this scene – And God tells me he was with me and I was loved.

This scene changes once again to a teenager. I see myself standing in the “free school meal” cue and I can feel this young girls’s humiliation. She feels unworthy, demoralised and hates being made to stand out from the crowd to highlight her situation. The girl leaves the cue for she no longer can stand the pain. She chooses to starve herself again – her tiny frame wasting away.

A shaft of light shines upon this lost girl and God told me He was with me and I was loved.

The visions of childhood slip away and I understand now – I understand.

To say the word “God” may cause discomfort for you and I apologise now, if I have stirred up a dormant pain – but it needs clearing.

You see as a child, I had a sense of unconditional love for God and the Angels. I do not know where it came from, I guess I was born with that knowing, just like you. But because of my father’s anger and hurling ridicule, I believed my father out of love for him – and so my love for God diminished.

In December 2000, when I received an Angel visitation in my hospital room, I was confused. How could I be seeing an Angel when I did not believe in God.

Over the past six years, the Angels have softened my pathway back to God, that is the only way I can describe it and I believe that is part of the Angels mission here at this moment in time.

My father’s anger regarding the word “God” is like so many other people’s responses to the subject and that I believe is because of religion. The wars religion has created, the limitations, the constraints that are forced upon people, the suggestions that you may only communicate with God in Church or through a Priest/Vicar. This is not God – this is man – made.

God is light. It is an energy of life force that lives in everyone and everything. This energy is part of who we truly are. This energy knows only love, kindness, beauty, abundance, creation, truth, patience, joy ... This energy called God does not know hate, fear, anger, limitations, scarcity – It is light, all other thoughts, emotions are ego – and man – made.

Reflecting upon my journey with the Angels into my childhood, I see that although I had chosen as a young child to “step out of the light”, I was still not alone. That light was always available to me, all I had to do was choose to step into the light.

And it is as simple as that. I now know that when I am feeling unworthy, worry, fear, anger, that I am not aligned with who I truly am – a part of God.
All I need do is mentally see myself stepping into a shaft of light and all negativity, all un – truth, simply dissolves away.

I do not know of God. It is not that I am following a religion, attending Church, preaching to others neither do I even know the contents of the Bible.

This is personal.

I do not know of God. I know God.