Your greatest challenge is your greatest healing.

Since yesterday I have found that I have a strong urge to write to you about my recent experiences that have meant I have spent "time off" from Sanctuary of Angels since December. I do not know why I have held back, although writing that now seems like a contradiction - I always write to you all about what is going on in my life, the lesson learnt - in hope that in sharing my truth you will find healing for yourself. I guess I have held back because of my own issues - I understand now that if I was not to share my all with you a)our relationship would not be as honest as it has been since you subscribed to Sanctuary of Angels and b) there would be little point in learning what I am learning, if I am not going to share.

All you may read now be a little long winded as I am still experiencing a purification period but please bear with me and you will understand my writing to you.

On the 2nd of January I was taken into hospital with severe abdominal pain. On arrival I was told I had a cyst the size of a fist which was causing pain as it had attached itself to the "pouch" I had made in 2001 in replacement for my large intestines. I was also told I was pregnant!

The doctors insisted that the pregnancy was ectopic and I was to take medication to abort it - I refused - the Angels told me my baby was safe and only 3 weeks pregnant - 2 weeks before the average woman "knows", I had already made a connection with this soul. And so I trusted my truth and went against family opinions and the doctors. A real strength came from this - listening and trusting myself against people who thought they knew what was best.

At 6 weeks a baby was found in the womb - it was not ectopic!

During this time before I went to sleep I found myself sending love and healing to my womb, my ovaries, the baby - my womanhood, all the parts of my body that I had not really accepted let alone loved. I was loving and nurturing my body and looking after me.

This started to cause disturbing visions to come forth, that matched a "feeling" I had carried with me for as long as I could remember but the feeling never had a label or memory attached to it - of being sexually abused as a very young child by my father and mother - something that I had completely blanked out of my memory. I found it hard to accept this as truth - and kept on pushing it aside but still the visions came.

At 9 weeks I had a scan to check the baby and the cyst - the baby had no heartbeat. After the shock and tears - I spent some time silent with the Angels and I was told that this soul had visited for a brief time to teach me a new level of self love and acceptance. I was asked to not give up and to keep on loving and nurturing my body - I was told that the soul had awoken memories in me that I needed to remember, accept and forgive - I would then awaken the Goddess within. It was essential to my spiritual growth to learn of this compassion and power. It was essential for me to feel comfortable in my own skin and for my emotions to be consistent for my work on this earthplane - no matter what.

Three weeks ago my brother returned home from Canada after four years, he was not well at all - since Christmas he had been having awful flashbacks of being sexually abused by my mother. Although I felt anger and grief for the pain that I could see in him, there was also relief - what I had been seeing and feeling was truth.

A lot has happened in a short period of time. I have had to try and accept what happened which has been hard - a child has unconditional love for a parent so to accept that I am right and my parents were wrong has been a challenge. But if someone was abusing my children would anything they said as a form of an excuse be acceptable - no - then that behavior - that pattern is no longer acceptable for me, no matter who started it.

What this has showed me is that although I was living a spiritual life of love, peace and joy, there was a part of me (a tiny "pip") that would arise now and again - so angry, so sad and seem to disrupt my life and who I choose to be - there was a part of me that thought it was acceptable to be treated by others in a abusive manner and felt unworthy of life's gifts - this part of me was so forgotten and hidden that I could not explain why this anger would rise or why I was still allowing abusive relationships in my life. My life was not consistent as I wanted it to be and now I know why.

I am truly grateful that this is all happening, so I may release myself from all that no longer is and be who I choose to be - complete and whole, a Goddess, not a princess waiting in her locked room for her Knight anymore. I have clarity now as to how I may complete the jigsaw.

You see, when you can heal that hidden part of you that thinks it is acceptable for your life situation and relationships to be as they are, you will understand how and why the pattern started, you can than forgive and let go of it - your relationships in your life will then either have to change or leave - for the healing would have been done. The view in the mirror will change!

This is already happening for me as each day I accept a little more, forgive a little more and love myself a bit more - I am sharing my truth, speaking out! I know that life can change and will change for you. The journey begins within!!

I cannot say it does not hurt - it does - But there are lessons in this pain, that are worth learning, there are lessons in this pain that will manifest the life I desire of love, peace, joy and abundance, a life that will be consistent and in alignment with who I am. Moving through the pain rather than hiding it, is the power of healing.

Your greatest challenge is your greatest healing - wise words and so very, very true.

I hope you have found healing in my words - if anything I now know that my relationship with you can now continue to be honest, I felt like I was holding back to people who trust me and know me inside out - nothing hidden. I am who I am.

Love and Blessings

Michelle x