Found this from 2005 ....

I was searching through old bits I have written over the past few years and found this today - just seemed that I stumbled on it for a reason and I was meant to send it out again and so have gone with it in hope that it reaches the right places ...... x

I've made some pretty big mistakes in my life, or have I?

The New Year begins and as I sit here alone in Denmark, away from the children and the daily routine of life, I take time to reflect.

It is said we have a choice in all that we do but I'm not so sure. Our mind is an amazing thing, it has a power, so strong that it's thoughts can take over our life. It is programmed from a young age the do's and dont's, the rights and wrongs and most of the time, not all, these are instilled with fear. Fear of doing wrong or that which is not seen right by someone else's standards.

But to move away from the mind, to find that space where the mind stops "whirring", to detach from the "thinker", to make it quiet and still - oh, what bliss.
And there you are - you see yourself and all that is real about you and all around you, pure clarity - without the chatter of the ego, or the programmes of the past, or the emotions of others - just you!

The mistakes I have made repeatedly, seemed to me that I did not have a choice. Yes, the offer was there, this path or that one, but the mind, with all its programming of childhood and adult realtionships, took me back to the path that was comfortable, the one I knew so well. The security of it, no matter how much it hurt to be there yet again and again.

Excitement and joy runs through my fingers as I write down what appears to be a revelation, does this not explain why battered wives cannot leave thier husbands or why they choose similar relationships, or why people practice self abuse.
It is only when I came to the end of another dark tunnel, that I took a "break" from my mind and discovered that I have not made mistakes, it's just that I had no choice all the time I let my mind make my decisions and did not stay true to my heart or to who I really am.

How to move forward for 2005?

Well firstly to control my mind, not the other way round! To take regular "holidays" from it, on a daily basis, especially when in an emotional situation or at a real time of "choice". Clarity is not something that once we experience, we have forever. Clarity needs constant "practice", training our mind to be still and free from emotion and programming, so that life can become clearer and more joyful.

And secondly, to love my past - to see that I was doing the best I knew how and following all that I thought I knew (I hope that makes sense). To forgive myself, to cleanse away the guilt, just because others did not agree with my actions did not make me wrong, just different to their set standards or beliefs. But most of all to celebrate my past, turning it into something positive by evaluating the good that came from each situation, and sending love back to those times and the people involved in order to forgive, let go and move on.

Only when I see my past as something light, full of love and valuable lessons, will my future reflect the same!

Love and Light to you
Michelle x